More from the WTF Files!

I have absolutely no clue of what this strange creature is, mainly because I forgot to write what it was when I found the pic, so my bad. We can however speculate to no end to what this insect is. Sometimes you feel like a nut I suppose. In our speculation and conjecture, it is my hypothesis that some native tribes probably consider this a tasty snack to be served with other spiders and grubs from the jungle.  Either that or that is just one of those things a person sees while on a hallucinogenic substance whipped up by the tribe's Medicine Man. If that's the case, I can only hope that this bug imparts some sort of wisdom to the psyconaught on their journey of mental exploration as they plumb the depths of the mind. Good luck, and Godspeed. I certainly would not want to wake up to an army of these invading my campsite. They could be poisonous and bitey and I can not abide biting insects of any sort that crave the flesh of the human beast.

A Kerfuffle Over Lunch.

Have we not devolved as a species enough as it is? Kudos to you at Channel 19 News to have the journalistic courage to probe deep into the soul of a beloved sandwich favorite to discern if the peanut butter is not as cooperative with the jelly as we once thought, or is it the other way around? Or is it that the bread is white and not wheat?  Well listen here, taste does not lie!! You might as well say, that the Reese's company got it wrong too! Are we so paranoid of a culture where we go around accusing food because we can?  Both breads taste great! Hey, wait...after a closer look at the details, one might say, "Hey, Kent and Brunswick is in Canada Eh!" But I would call them on their shenanigans and say, no way man, look at the high and low temperatures  the are marked with degrees Fahrenheit not Centigrade, and anyone who knows anything, that Canada runs on the metric system and in fact uses Centigrade. KPH too, so, say if you bellied up to the counter at the local Ronnie Mac Steakhouse, you could probably get a Royale with Cheese. Unless of course the company that Lords over the fast food biz  with a yellow gloved iron fist demands all of it's franchises in North America use the term "Quarter  Pounder". I wouldn't put it by those clowns I'll tell ya. But, I digress. Those places are most likely counties in a State near you! Now, lets take a closer look at this nasty bread the person used to make this travesty of our loved PB&J. I would guess that it was found in some school kid's repugnant locker. No Wonder Bread was hurt in the construction of this masterpiece. (No Wonder Bread was used at all it seems!) I mean bottom shelf bargain brand doesn't look that bad, and the fool even took a bite! Yet, we must see to the heart  of this matter. It is my professional opinion that PB&J sandwiches are not racist. They are only delicious. As funky as the one pictured looks, it may taste just fine. ( Insert philosophical cliche here about books and covers and all that.)

It's a game of what if....

Now, if you are a stoner or even if you're not, one has to agree on how cool this would be to have in your very own personal Soul Clinic. Illuminate your self and your friends with this radiation free lounging equipment from your friends at the Tron Gallery! Nightlife has never been so bright. Can you imagine, listening to some mellow jams, kicking it surrounded by the soft under-glow, enjoying your relax of choice with friends, old or new. Being apart of the Human Element, engaging, the essence of conversation, the point/counter point of ideas shared and sustained in the very movement of the moment. Built within this perfection is revelation, epiphany, enlightenment. Wise thoughts fill the cup of the mind, that make one ponder  if siting on electronic furniture with drink in hand could be a bad decision considering that liquid and electricity do not mix and might just blast you through the fuckin ceiling. Always bad news especially if you live on a bottom floor apartment. All those sorry bastards living above would notice would be a momentary brown out and body busting up out of their floor!  Good way to ruin movie night. Where in the hell would be the off switch anyway? Not recommended for well lit areas of the home or office in any case. I would not be surprised if the seating remains toasty warm, unless of course we have discovered light without heat.

An excerpt from the "WTF!" Files

If  you ever read The Gunslinger series by Stephen King, your first thought upon seeing this 'Lobstrosity' was "Did-a- chic! Did-a-chum!" am I right? It surprises me to no end the ever constant strangeness in the circle of life on earth. The phrase, "It might taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never eat the motherfucker" comes to mind. I certainly hope for that guy's sake that whatever he is holding is dead, dead, dead!! If not, then Braveheart over here probably had a feast because if you are not afraid to hold it, chances are you are not afraid to eat it. What do I have to say to that? GAAAHHH!!!!

Some good advice!

As Dr. Hunter S. Thomson said, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."  Yes ladies and gents, I am taking a bit of a break and a deviation from the current theme of interstellar mockery until such time as I either come up with funnier material or I get an enormous amount of fan mail demanding the return of the ads. However, I do not see the latter ever happening,  so, I will just wait until a picture plunks the magic twanger of my funny bone before I lay down any more of that drivel. Admittedly, it has been pretty slow here in the secret bunker and this you see before you is all my puny mind can concoct. So, without any further a due, I shall bid you Adieu for now.

I'm not a crook!

Yes the pool is shrinking, thank God, of eligible intergalactic bachelors and bachelorettes and as soon as I run out of ideas, and believe you me, I am stretching at this point, I can assure you that I will be moving on to other low brow crap to make fun of. The costumes are only getting worse as are the jokes, I mean, look at this fool. Slacks and wingtips?! Really?! Draping yourself with 'creepy cloth' does not mean you are some being from beyond, unless you are beyond help, of which sir you are. However, for shits and giggles, let's assume that his costume is worthy of note and he comes from the planet Theta Epsilon III in the Cygnus sector. "Dick" as he wishes to be known, has come to earth to party down like there is no tomorrow anywhere! He enjoys long soaks in the swamp, collecting ray guns and is a master of disguise. His idea of a first date is base jumping into deep pits in the earths crust and a cup of coffee at a greasy spoon afterward. Give him a shot and he may just shoot you back, or in the back, or something. Oh hell, this is just terrible!!!

Hey, hey fellas!!

Wow do we have a treat for you tonight boys! This Diva from the planet Skeeva has got it all! (Including a few things you have never even heard of, woa!) Meet B'nnttz-Fnt-Laa or "Lucinda" if you prefer. This beauty is a Sagittarius with a Mercury rising, and we're not talking Freddy either! She enjoys feeding on the fluids of fresh fruits native to her home world, Zumba, Palates, listening to the earthling band 'The Venus In Furs' , desperate male species of any sentient race and assorted earth beverages. Top of her most favorites are Long Island Ice Teas. Give her a go in your Satellite of Love and she is sure to rock your worlds!  

Super Intelligent Being Seeks Same.

Greetings life forms. This is Lord Thall of the planet Medullion Massa which orbits Mu Arae in the Ara constellation. He is an interplanetary evil genius who is looking for other life forms who would share his aspirations of watching planets burn. Lord Thall is Aquarius rising and his favorite color is, you guessed it black! When not building sophisticated weapons of mass destruction,  Thall relaxes by listening to the screams of his helpless test subjects while viewing  holo -projections of super novas. Get on his good side, (if he has one) and you never know what secrets of the universe you will unlock!

The Eyes Have It!

Today Inter-Galactic Dating Ads bring you our latest cyclopian beauty, "Iris"           ( no surprise there huh?) She is from a planet on the far side of Caelum, called Shuttlecock if you can believe that!. This bright eye debutante relaxes playing the native game of her people, commonly known on Earth as Badminton. Apparently she really "throws herself" into it! How could you go wrong with a chick that has legs up to her, uh, eye? Don't let that spiky dress fool ya, she is on the lookout for her mate and it could be you! We here at Inter-Galactic Dating Ads are positive she will "keep an eye out for ya!"

Another Happy Couple!

Here at Inter-Galactic Dating Ads.Com, we would like to congratulate another match made in the heavens. Kudos to "Dave and Jane" on their recent coupling of conduits! These two star crossed lovers met for the first time on a Star Cruiser touring the famous Belt of Orion after using our services. Not a bad first date sipping Aurllian Ale and munching on Muckworms and Skibbs while floating in the zero gravity suite. May they have a happy existence together, living prosperous and long lives.

Inter-Galactic Dating Returns!

Gods save the Queen! No matter what deity you worship, you can agree that this is one single monarch that demands your tribute! Queen Andromeda is scouring the universe for her suitor and it could be you! She Lourdes over the Rigel Centaurus Star Cluster but she has crossed the stars to this backwater to snag someone spineless and submissive. Not hard to find on the Earthling's inter-web.  Are you ready to be conquered and measure up to her grueling standards? Her interests are ruling, vaporizing minions who show the slightest defiance, being waited on hand and foot, enslaving worlds, and chocolate ( lots of it!) Normally she wouldn't even bother with our insignificant speck of a planet, but Earth is the only planet in the known universe that chocolate can be found. Lover her and Despair!!

This is a test...of an Emerging Broadcast System,

Woa Hoa Beebaaaahhhh!!! Excuse the hiatus ladies and germs, but I needed time to figure out the new workings of Blogger Dashboard. Of course in the coming days I shall bring back the low levels of mediocrity that you expect my adoring Deckhands and Oatmeal heads! I still have plenty Galactic Dating Service adds in store to mangle your medullas! So many in fact that it will keep me busy for a while. Until next time, terminate your links, break your broad-bands and sink into the goo of the Oatmeal Seas!!!

What the Hell!?

Still trying to figure out how to post a pic on this new forma bullshit from my saved files on the computer, so far cannot do it. Must be no longer allowed or some shit. I just want to make fun of other peoples pictures!!!! AAARRRRRRGGGG!!!!!

Look no further Gents!

Spring is in full swing and everyone is looking for love, even "Edith" here! She is a Libra with a Venus retrograde, enjoys flying saucer joyrides, super-science, lasers, astrophysics, and quantum mechanics.After analyzing a cross section of human cuisine, her favorite is Northern European. Just kidding folks, it's ice cream, fudge, potato chips, sushi, avocado, peanuts and pizza, or all of  that on a pizza, affectionate known as The Shaggy.

More...? Really? Yes!!

Meet "Ted". He just arrived on Earth last week and is looking for friends to show him around town, have a few drinks and see the sights. "Ted" is a Cloapian from Sentarra III, an M-Class planet just outside the Izar Ecliptic. He enjoys Backgammon, silly earth programs and any kind of cheese. All new discoveries for this far out extra-terrestrial tourist. On his home-world, clearly marked upon his cowl, "Ted" showed great promise as the planets foremost  author of archaic "novels" about digressing civilizations until his last read  was a total failure. Hence why he chose our particular toilet to explore, gathering as much torrid information as possible for the masses on Sentarra III.

Thank you sir! May I have another?!

I thought I would leave all those mushy minds of yours out there alone for a few days but there are still plenty of eligible intelligible weirdies out there in space, so on with the creature feature!!
Greetings from planet Disco hidden someplace in the M52 system! Say hello to "Ralph", (originally Gnerrrtz, but in human speech it sounds like a sneeze.) When you wish upon this star, you are guaranteed to get super far! He's got all the sweet moves on the dance floor and you're sure to score. Let him shuffle his way into your heart's door.  Spunk and style that goes the extra mile, Ralph will surely make you smile!

Even more Weird Fuckers from Outer Space..

Who's that gent in the purple cape that exudes other worldly charm you can't escape? Why it's Proteus! "Lenny" to you earthlings. This intergalactic playboy knows how to have a stellar time no matter where he goes. Proteus is a Leo with a Jupiter rising and comes from a place in the Hubble Deep Field, a planet orbiting the star we call M109 known as Norp. As a dealer in Keebis and other rare metals,he can really get around, but, his work doesn't stop him from partying down with the locals and hitting some Plutonium Nyborg. He also enjoys movies, card games, binary sunsets and gals who are not afraid to cry. Take a chance on him and he will show you a galaxy of pleasure!

Congratulations to the 600th Buttery Rich Visitor!!

That's right! Whoever you are on this giant piece of rock that supports life in our solar system, here is Six Hundred Schmucks in Chump Change, (there is another bill on the bottom, honest!) Remember, the official currency of abysmal mediocrity can only be spent in the theater of your mind so, don't spend it all in one place! Woa Ho Beeebaaahhhh!!!

Thank you for your patronage,

-Sir Erasmus Fontlaroy

And the beat goes on...

Don't look now Ladies and Germs, but wouldn't ya know it, love is in the air this Spring! It goes to show that even here at this lousy site, Inter-GalacticDatingAds.com, anyone can meet that special being. What are the chances that they would both be from the same side of town on Grus Prime? Interstellar! All of us here at the management would like to wish Rigna and Z'lotaar (or "Sally and Fred") a long and happy coupling of power conduits and have an existence that's out of this world!

On tonight's Weird Fuckers from Outer Space...

All hail to Zork the Liquidator! No folks he isn't giving deals on mattresses or furniture, he's one of the galaxy's most feared bounty hunters known for his preferred method of dispatching prey. (Hence the moniker.) Now his next bounty is you! Well, your heart that is. Zork enjoys building his credit stash by selling his unique services to the highest bidder, and expressing his feelings through physical violence. But don't let that scare you away, that's just his day job. He relaxes the evenings away by sipping away Solar Grog while lounging on one of the many beaches of his home world, Pringdar, in the company of other Wibblets. But when in our neck of the woods, Zork likes to hide out in tiny dive bars on the tour circuit of his favorite earth folk music duo, Merv Rando and Fee. Give this fun size baddie the chance and he will show you a hell of a large time! (Approved by the Inter-Galactic Dating Assc.)

More Weird Fuckers from Outer Space

Tonight's featured member hailing from Altair III, is Overlord Trall,! (Or "Jim") This Master of Menace is on the look out for his intergalactic Queen, but earth girls aren't easy! Dressed to kill in this fabulous robe ensemble from Eeapp of Mars, "Jim"  is waiting for you with open arms. When not lording over the Seven Systems Empire, he can usually be found catching his favorite mindless earth television programs and squishing puny creatures for pleasure. His greatest wish is to have a zero gravity jello party. Look out ladies, he is firing on all thrusters an wanting to conquer your heart! Ming the Merciless, eat your heart out!

The invasion continues...

Welcome back to Inter-Galactic Dating Ads.com.. Tonight's catch you are sure to net, is G'enork, or "Jeff" to his friends. This latest weird fucker from outer space enjoys quick blast offs and soft landings as well as spending his free time bowling. Originally from Gamma Epsilon V, Jeff found his way Earth to live, laugh and you guessed it, love! He's just a regular guy about town looking to invade...your heart that is! Classy and non obtrusive, he can show you that manners are not just found in a galaxy far, far away. Jeff also enjoys a variety of music, from Mozart, and Astro-Punch to Fizz and The Lifters. Reach new heights in his Rocket-Ship of Love baby!

The invasion has begun...

Ladies and Germs, please welcome tonight's weird fucker from outer space, "Beulah"from planet Regulus II ! She gave us that name because her real name cannot be translated into human speech of any dialect. It has to do with some organ or strange thing like that. "Beulah" is a Virgo, but only when Jupiter rises in the cusp of Mars. She enjoys long walks on the Deneb space-station orbiting the Twin moons of Garloo and practices Atomic Yoga. Climb aboard her flying saucer for the ride of your life!

You are being watched!

People of the planet "Earth". We are the Gmegnon. Giant cyclopian starfish from the planet Shmeng. We are now your overlords. Kneel before your masters or be destroyed. You are no match for our sophisticated heat beams. We are only allowing you to hear us in your primitive language because our species takes pleasure in watching weaker things squirm with panic. We have spoken. All hail to the Great and Powerful Sphincter!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Actually, it looks like something out of a Ween video. (Use the power of the internet and look them up if seeking a reference.) Imagine one of those things creeping into your room at night. Probe in han...uh...thing. I can hear the faint strains of music from a theramin being weird in the back of my mind. Either that or I have a tumor.

Today's nugget of truth.

Trouble reading this picture? Click on the image to see it enhanced to lager proportions! The wonders of technology huh?

Confucius says....

He who farts in church, sits in his own pew. But in this instance, theses cats are going for distance and power! I wonder what kind of weird samurai beans they have gotten themselves into? So then this means ninja farts are indeed silent but deadly. However, weather or not these things are true, to me, this expresses yet another form of the divine wind. The Fart Scroll is but a tale to be told that even in feudal Japan there was a funny guy capturing the very best in human nature, a great sense of humor God bless him. Then again, this could be a modern rendering of a subject painted in the classic style but none the less hilarious. Kudos to you artist person, creator of this masterpiece! Where ever in the great wheel you may be.

Presented without comment.

Caaaaandeeeeee.......

Oompa loompa doopidy do. I have another riddle for you. What do you get when fashion goes wrong? Making you think you've just smoked a bong.

Sometimes you see what is considered wreck, giving your nightmares a reality check, but that is life and that can be sad. Although seeing this.... things don't.....seem......bad. I don't like the look of it!

Oompa loompa doopity do. If you are wise you will listen to me. You can live in happiness too, like the Oompa Loompa doopidy do!

Watch out all you Snozwangers, Wangdoodles and Vermitious Kanids!! The Queen of Loopa Land is back and meaner than before! Her purpose is to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and she's all out of bubblegum! Before you know it she will have the entire Loompa Army all sugared up and armed to the teeth, ready to give your behinds a whooping that you will never forget in this cinematic masterpiece Charlie and the Chocolate Factory II-Electric Boogaloo!

Newsflash!! The real Dirty Harry revealed!

My first thought when I seen this was, ' Hey look, it's America's gun control policy.' As much fun as it would be to leave it with that simple statement, I do so enjoy beating every joke I can out of something. This could very well make a great commercial, you know, some clever product placement. Nothing says "buy this product" like a chimp getting ready to unload a bunch of pain into your face! Is this indeed a right turn for Clyde? (yes, I know the real Clyde is an orangutan) Indeed we can derive some mirth form this mindfuck presented before us such as, imagining his voice sounding like an old time gangster. "Say..back off screw!! Maa Maaa!" I would look for more deeper representation in this but, nahh. I am in no condition to wax philosophic this time. Mainly because I don't feel like sitting up all night probing the details of something that may not even exist.

Today's nugget of truth.

Who can come down on a cat that just wants some junk food. Wait, I can guess the answer to that and it all has to do with politics. If there were any sense in our government, our little green friend would be decriminalized, taxed and regulated like alcohol and then the fun governors and groove mashers would see budget deficits disappear and more people being generally happy. Crime would be reduced, because when a prohibition ends you eliminate an element of said criminality. Maybe someday when the closed minded and fooled see the truth of reality.

I'm a bug! Neeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Oh, let me guess what happened here! An office party gone terribly wrong? Maybe his co-workers knew he had a nylon allergy, didn't like him very much, pinned him down and stuffed this apparatus on his skull and this is the shot of him leaping up from the floor screaming!! Could we also say that it is the only way he can feel like an authentic crotch? Could he harbor a strange balloon fetish perhaps? A desperate cry for attention to fill the inadequacies of being the office outcast? Oh yes, he is indeed "funny" but at what expense? I am going to go with dignity on this one gang. Although if this pic was a short looped video of him bouncing back and fourth really fast with Yakkaty Sax by Boots Randolph playing, ( better know as the theme music to The Benny Hill Show), watching it stoned I would probably piss myself laughing.

Hey man, it's not my fault.

It's true folks. Since the last post, there were a series of technical difficulties, lack of blog-able material and serious lack of creativity. I couldn't even find a suitable pic of a real Stimpy cat! What a bummer man. All I can do now is make the following suggestions, smoke em' if you got em', boogaloo til ya puke, never eat spinach with a stranger, don't piss on an electric fence, and practice safe sex. Get down with your bad self!!!!

Cartoon characters in real life.

If you were expecting another weird tale about some crazy insect, sorry to disappoint. Maybe in the future I may revisit that subject. You nearly got some far out poem so perhaps luck is with you this day and are spared that drivel. Instead, I coughed up this little diatribe on how some cartoon character would look if they were real. I am not the only one and eventually I will cover all I can find. Now, on with the segment. Here we have Ren Hoek from certainly one of my favorite cartoons of all time, Ren & Stimpy. Soon as I find a suitable Stimpson J. Cat, I will certainly show you. So, there you have it. Ren in the flesh. "Siiiiiimmpy! You bloated sack of protoplasm! You filthy wooooorrmm!!"

Not buggin you am I?

I honestly thought about doing actual research for this piece, to if anything spell names right and to know exactly what I am dealing with here, but sometimes it is more fun to let the imagination fire off a few rounds of fun right? I think that the size could be deciving us because there is nothing realy to compair size ratio to, it could be this tiny fucker, but, will we ever really know? Would we want to know? Especially if the answer is that thing is big as your fist or better? However, if it tasted like shrimp, would you eat it? I would. And it would be delicious! I can just hear the hisses and jeers and eeewwwws of those who would disagree with that statement. I refer you to the disclaimer below. Besides, if this thing is indeed from our planet and or dimension, someone out there has done the deed. (If so, please be so inclined to share your experience with the rest of the class.) The thing looks like the creature in Wrath of Khan who's larva was introduced to Captain Terrel and Cmndr. Chekov. I can almost hear it's skittering across hard surfaces. Swarming..... colonizing...... taking over!!!

Yeeaaaahhaahhaa!!! What the hell IS that!?

I have decided to stay on the entomology kick to showcase a few odd looking bugs. This fella here is most certainly one of the last things I want to see crawling on my flesh late at night! No sir! At least I would be able to see it. I am sure if that were to happen, all that would be seen of me is asses and elbows heading toward the nearest exit. Not that I am a coward mind you, I mean the shock value alone of having been woken out of a dead sleep by the likes of that would send anyone to their feet in a hurry.

Help meeeeeeee!!!!

Tonight's premiere of "Oatmeal Depth Charge" will be not be seen. In it's place we bring you a special edition Creature Feature Movie, 'Fly vs Fly'. Father and Son are reunited in this action packed adventure sequel to the sequel The FlyII. Only this time it's WAR!! Watch in amazement as these two stink- bugs are whisked away by a strong wind and land in a world where prisoners are forced into gladiatorial combat in kitchens world wide! You will be astounded at the brutality of no quarter, to the death, whole sale destruction!! Stay tuned for tonight's Theater of the Mind Creature Feature Movie, 'Fly vs Fly'!!! (Que cheesy music)

Butt-Rocket Away!!

Are we that board of a society where we have taken to strapping old ladies to rocket boosters for entertainment?! Either that or our asstronaut here seriously needs to reduce the amount of beans in her diet. Wooo, lentils! Hope she didn't break her coccyx. Watch out Granny! Gravity is a bitch! I'll tell ya gang, if that was yours truly with explosives strapped to my ass, you had better believe I would be dressed for such a dubious occasion! Top notch daredevil threads, like the one Elvis donned in Vegas, decked out in sequins of red, white and blue to show the world that only in America, some brainless lout would attempt such a foolish act of insanity! Mind you now, I would not forget to pack a parachute or state of the art crash helmet. Padding would not be a bad idea either come to think about it. Safety first kids! I have to really wonder what the ultimate result of this experiment or what have you actually was. I can guess who made an appearance, an ambulance and perhaps a cop or two, angry relative maybe. I hope there is video of this out there some place. Were there signs of panic, horror, or dare I say it...laughter? Did she holler, "I can see my house from here!!!!"? I may never know. Therefore, I will give this particular pic, 5 out 0f 5 bowls of oatmeal in the 'artsy fartsy' category.

Today's nugget of truth.

As I was pondering the secrets of the universe and more ways to mangle your medulla oblongatas, I came across this little tid bit in the corner. Kudos to you sir who dropped this note into the cyber sea. Surely I am not the only schmoe that took this and ran. I at least am not taking credit for it. Found it, wanted to share it's wonder, it was just that good. Sucks I didn't see it sooner, would have tied in well with this years first entry.

Godzilla found love, so can you!

Yes boys and girls, it goes to show that even the King of the Monsters can be a regular Joe like you and me. He tried our new and improved, all natural, Stink-Be-Gone(tm) Enhanced with pheromones of the sex that suites you best, it will quickly replace that Essence of Goon you have been wearing lately, yes sir! Weather you smell like feet or a meaty treat, our Stink-Be-Gone(tm) can't be beat! Order now and receive an extra bottle for the exact same price of $19.99! This deal won't last forever, so order today! But wait, there's more! Act now and you will be eligible to win a years supply of soup flavored "Soup!"(now in a can) also in "sandwich" flavor. Tired of loosing friends? You don't have to smell terrible any longer, try Stink-Be-Gone(tm) Get yours today, order now! Call 1-800-Bamboozle right now!!!!!!!!

The Beat goes on...yea, like dig...

The Poet is crying,

The Martyrs are dying,

The Cynic sis making sense.

The Lovers are lying,

And still we're all trying,

To fence our struggles within.

The Masses are calling,

The sky is falling,

The Zealots are preaching salvation.

The Realists are reeling,

The Dreamers are dreaming,

And Creation still stands alone.

The countdown to madness starts now!

All of us well know by now that it is 2012, even if last night was a haze and you blacked out by 10 and woke up someplace with your pants securely fashioned to your coconut by a belt, because you had it in your head that you came up with a cool new super hero costume. Or tried to convince other party goers that you were that old Domino's Pizza mascot "The Noid" and there to ruin all that pizza fun time, or even a Twi'lek from Star Wars. What I found in last night's festivities was on the more tragic side of things when watching the last five minutes of that dreadful New Years show on a conglomerate owned network station. The only person on that stage with any real talent was Carlos Santana. The worst part was when they wheeled Dick Clark out and reanimated his ass. It was like they were playing 'Weekend At Bernie's' with him. It was just sad. It would have been great if he just busted out with,"Forty years. Fuck you!" because he felt he earned it. That would be entertainment!

Now we get to look forward to this year and wonder if it will be our last. Many theories are abound in our world on what will happen on that day the Myan calender will end or perhaps even reset. All of the planets in our solar system are suppose to align straight across on either side of the Terran home world or some strange occurence of the sort. Will we be visited by an intelligent species to usher humanity into the era of light without heat? (Like in that Steve Vai song, 'Little Green Men' from his album 'Flexible' I believe it to be, give it a listen, you wont be disappointed.)

Will the Grand Space Lizard come for his spies among us and reveal its plot to use us as a food source? I mean look at it, with fast food and junk food being relativity cheap, they have fattened us up! The healthy food is expensive and many getting into the exercise craze, but it is no help. Those are for the lizards who prefer a different cut of meat. Nice and lean. Then again, will we be picked apart and slowly destroyed by environmental upheaval due to Global Warming? Maybe it will be another Rapture moment with people holding their breath as the Pope hangs off his balcony in front of millions shouting "Me First!"

I for one think that if anything, we might feel some strange gravitational ebbs and flows. How will the psychics and others attuned to different forces going to deal with all the fucked up energy that day? What if the universes that exist go through that same alignment at the same time, except of course the ones that would experience the opposite or never happens at all in the first place, therefor would have different courses and such. However the ones that do, will they intrude on our particular chunk of space-time? If the same matter cannot exist in the same space, then will we be looking at instant annihilation? At least we wouldn't feel it I would hope, unless space-time grinds to a halt and we are trapped in stasis. Would we be totally aware but unable to do anything about it?

Could the proven discovery of the Higgs-Boson Particle suddenly happen on 12-12-12 at exactly 12:12 and 12 seconds in Cern? Will the light barrier be broken? Or will a particle smash in a way that a black hole will be created and that is our ultimate doom? It's got two chances to happen ya know. Will it be Zombies? Pirates? Ninjas? All three at once?! Another likely scenario is that the day and evening will pass us by like so many others. Full of stories of people doing dumb shit in the name what they believe. I hope there is at least an solar eclipse that day just to cap the experience. I'll have popcorn at the ready.