Welcome to the House of Acid.

Now this would be something to see while on drugs! Or nothing to see for that matter. All in the perspective I guess.More proof that nothing is what it seems. Wow, I am surprised at the deep level of drivel I just spewed. Such an ancient concept. But really, sober or not, that kind of shit wold really knock you off your square the first few times you see it. It's what the entrance to theWonka Factory's shitters, or the Ommpa Loompa dormitory somewhere deep below the famous chocolate factory would be like. What's in that candy Mr. Wonka!? Is the Everlasting Gobbstopper laced with LSD so you can fuck with the tour groups Sir? No wonder he had to close his doors. Not industrial espionage as we were lead to believe, but by court order for knowing and unlawfully "spiking the punch", however can remain in business to operate as a normal factory because, not only corporations are people, there is something about that candy that tastes so good and keeps you hungry for more. I just can't explain it.

It's Good To Be The King. Oh Reeeeeeaaaaaly?

Here stands before you, the ultimate victor of the Fast Food War. Ready to now lord over Planet Earth with the yellow gloved iron fist of doom. "You shall eat my hamburgers and disrepair!!"
Who would have thought that things in Corporate America would sink to this low level of depravity. One day, a seemingly innocent looking clown. The next a slayer of Kings.
"And lo, it shall come to pass, a fiery world of badly seared beef patties and other, so called 'healthy options' to be crammed down thou collective gullets."
One has to wonder, what happened to Taco Bell? Is he using Burger King's severed head to ring it, thus, ushering in a new era? Has he made Wendy his queen or his bitch? Will they breed and fill the White Castle with McNuggets? All we know is this: The fate of most other fast food chains were decided in the first days of combat. Rally's, just not fast enough. Dairy Queen ran out of all weaponry early and resorted to throwing soft serve which ended badly for them. Culver's suffered a similar demise.  The only box Jack ended up in was a coffin. Long John Silver, Captain D, both sunk. The fast food landscape was  laid waste. It came down in the end of days between the epic siege of Burger King's fortress by the Army of Arches. Carnage ensued, many were lost. burger wrappers, fry boxes and soft drink cups almost outnumbered the bodies on the battlefield. House McDonald has crushed all competitors. Now shut up and eat that Big Mac!!

So, here we go again!

" Now boys, I am going to explain it to you again. Just because you are dressed like a car does not mean you can get drive thru service."

This looks like something that some idiots where I live would try. Now, if they really wanted to be funny, go through fast food joints dressed in a gorilla costume and order banana shakes, or run across the freeway wearing a chicken suite . Perhaps run through a crowded mall dressed as a banana with a gorilla chasing you. Now that would be funny!

All Of A Sudden...

     For his next trick, Dr. Beaufort  Klaus Von Krankheit will poke and  prod this demonic monkey he has just summoned from the stinking bowls of Hell while recording the screams of the audience as they flee in ultimate fear and horror.

I think he is in a commercial somewhere saying, " I don't always summon demons, but when I do, they are flying monkeys."

 Kudos to you Ole Eraser Head for making our world a little bit brighter to live in. I really think however you might want to keep that sword handy to smote it's ruin, as one famous wizard might have said somewhere far off in another world.

Play Guitar In Just Seven Seconds!

     Here for your enjoyment is an add I found in the back of an old Marvel Comics series known as "What The!?" The art is my own interpretation of the one in the add. I loved it so much, and as most kids would, I wrote it word for word pretty much while in Jr. High, circa late 1980s. Hope I don't get sued over copyright issues.

    Yes, it's completely true! Using the famous Dr. Horrorstein's Subliminal Inter-Neural  Electronic Infillibrator. Now we can cram the knowledge needed to play guitar like an expert into your mind before you know it!  Learn over 6,ooo chords and finger placement arrangements in the space of a doezen heartbeats. of course, all of this doesn't come easy. If you hook up the device incorrectly, you could end up a gibbering idiot for life. Since most people who would answer this add start out that way, it's not such a big risk.
Rush coupon today! Only $19.96 plus $250.00 shipping and handling.
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Guy's, here is my $19.95. I promise my check will be good because if it isn't, I understand that you will send Rocco to my house in order to hit me over my foolish head with the kitchen sink. If I am not fully satisfied with the product, well that is just tough boogers because if I make a stink about it, I will end up dead in a dumpster somewhere and my family will not approve of that at all.

Let the Shenanigans Ensue! (Before reading, find some funny clown music to play, it makes it even better!)

    So many jokes could start from this one pic. "Two clowns were walking down the street and they ran head on into a full pie rack!"  Then again, with the utter maliciousness in the one clown's face, bad shit is most likely to happen. Like he would rather cram the pie down a person's throat till they suffocated from pie asphyxia.  More commonly known as 'Death by Clowning' (so the coroner's report would read.) What's in store for the dude pushing the rack? I feel kinda bad for him. One moment he is peddling pies, blissfully unaware of the 'tom foolery' just around the bend, and the next, well, need I say more? I do not use the for mentioned term lightly, for the real life Tom Fool (Tom Skelton) was a twisted character indeed, let there be no mistake. He was a court jester at England's Muncaster Castle who had a murderous past. For the full story, I suggest looking on youtube or your favorite video link site, Castle Ghosts of England, ep. 1, Muncaster Castle. Very creepy.

  Well, it looks like Skeezy the Clown and his pal Bubbles are going to take it to the streets with the pie chucking business and cause trouble, and I mean scorched earth, no survivors, whole sale destruction, body bags and fire trouble! Will Pete the Pie Peddler have the the courage to stand up and fight back against the gruesome twosome, or will he flee in terror whilst being viciously assaulted by two pie throwing clowns? (Answer in label section) Here is your fresh cup of today's 100% Freeze Dried Insanity people!!! Stay tuned for more on this particular feed of nuttiness and mediocrity!

It's Finally Over!

     Have you ever felt like this while waiting forever? Does someone need to get done doing whatever it is they are doing because your life is becoming a Snicker's commercial? "Not going anywhere for a while?" I'll tell you what, this chap here has gone way beyond that stage, and has left Rip Van Winkle in his dust. Yet it's ironic that they have something in common, with the whole RIP aspect going for them. I know many of us probably felt the same way this past holiday season, am I right? If the circumstance arises again, shall I suggest this as a joke, or perhaps a passive-aggressive way of showing your utter disdain for the situation at hand? When you have more important things to do beside wait, and wait, and wait even longer, it's time you replace yourself with Mr.Lazybones and either go do what you want, take a short walk on a nice day, or  what have you. Call 1-800-272-4000 or send three easy payments of $19.95 and $3.00 shipping and handling to 'Fake O Products' P.O. Box 7090 Walla Walla Washington, 15151 We have an exciting line of products to tickle your fancy and pique your interest. But wait there's more! If you act now, you will also receive a half used stick of lip balm, festering with God only knows what. (all checks ran through Sawtooth National Bank and are non refundable.) Supplies are limited, call now!!