It's a game of what if....

Now, if you are a stoner or even if you're not, one has to agree on how cool this would be to have in your very own personal Soul Clinic. Illuminate your self and your friends with this radiation free lounging equipment from your friends at the Tron Gallery! Nightlife has never been so bright. Can you imagine, listening to some mellow jams, kicking it surrounded by the soft under-glow, enjoying your relax of choice with friends, old or new. Being apart of the Human Element, engaging, the essence of conversation, the point/counter point of ideas shared and sustained in the very movement of the moment. Built within this perfection is revelation, epiphany, enlightenment. Wise thoughts fill the cup of the mind, that make one ponder  if siting on electronic furniture with drink in hand could be a bad decision considering that liquid and electricity do not mix and might just blast you through the fuckin ceiling. Always bad news especially if you live on a bottom floor apartment. All those sorry bastards living above would notice would be a momentary brown out and body busting up out of their floor!  Good way to ruin movie night. Where in the hell would be the off switch anyway? Not recommended for well lit areas of the home or office in any case. I would not be surprised if the seating remains toasty warm, unless of course we have discovered light without heat.

An excerpt from the "WTF!" Files

If  you ever read The Gunslinger series by Stephen King, your first thought upon seeing this 'Lobstrosity' was "Did-a- chic! Did-a-chum!" am I right? It surprises me to no end the ever constant strangeness in the circle of life on earth. The phrase, "It might taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never eat the motherfucker" comes to mind. I certainly hope for that guy's sake that whatever he is holding is dead, dead, dead!! If not, then Braveheart over here probably had a feast because if you are not afraid to hold it, chances are you are not afraid to eat it. What do I have to say to that? GAAAHHH!!!!

Some good advice!

As Dr. Hunter S. Thomson said, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."  Yes ladies and gents, I am taking a bit of a break and a deviation from the current theme of interstellar mockery until such time as I either come up with funnier material or I get an enormous amount of fan mail demanding the return of the ads. However, I do not see the latter ever happening,  so, I will just wait until a picture plunks the magic twanger of my funny bone before I lay down any more of that drivel. Admittedly, it has been pretty slow here in the secret bunker and this you see before you is all my puny mind can concoct. So, without any further a due, I shall bid you Adieu for now.

I'm not a crook!

Yes the pool is shrinking, thank God, of eligible intergalactic bachelors and bachelorettes and as soon as I run out of ideas, and believe you me, I am stretching at this point, I can assure you that I will be moving on to other low brow crap to make fun of. The costumes are only getting worse as are the jokes, I mean, look at this fool. Slacks and wingtips?! Really?! Draping yourself with 'creepy cloth' does not mean you are some being from beyond, unless you are beyond help, of which sir you are. However, for shits and giggles, let's assume that his costume is worthy of note and he comes from the planet Theta Epsilon III in the Cygnus sector. "Dick" as he wishes to be known, has come to earth to party down like there is no tomorrow anywhere! He enjoys long soaks in the swamp, collecting ray guns and is a master of disguise. His idea of a first date is base jumping into deep pits in the earths crust and a cup of coffee at a greasy spoon afterward. Give him a shot and he may just shoot you back, or in the back, or something. Oh hell, this is just terrible!!!

Hey, hey fellas!!

Wow do we have a treat for you tonight boys! This Diva from the planet Skeeva has got it all! (Including a few things you have never even heard of, woa!) Meet B'nnttz-Fnt-Laa or "Lucinda" if you prefer. This beauty is a Sagittarius with a Mercury rising, and we're not talking Freddy either! She enjoys feeding on the fluids of fresh fruits native to her home world, Zumba, Palates, listening to the earthling band 'The Venus In Furs' , desperate male species of any sentient race and assorted earth beverages. Top of her most favorites are Long Island Ice Teas. Give her a go in your Satellite of Love and she is sure to rock your worlds!  

Super Intelligent Being Seeks Same.

Greetings life forms. This is Lord Thall of the planet Medullion Massa which orbits Mu Arae in the Ara constellation. He is an interplanetary evil genius who is looking for other life forms who would share his aspirations of watching planets burn. Lord Thall is Aquarius rising and his favorite color is, you guessed it black! When not building sophisticated weapons of mass destruction,  Thall relaxes by listening to the screams of his helpless test subjects while viewing  holo -projections of super novas. Get on his good side, (if he has one) and you never know what secrets of the universe you will unlock!

The Eyes Have It!

Today Inter-Galactic Dating Ads bring you our latest cyclopian beauty, "Iris"           ( no surprise there huh?) She is from a planet on the far side of Caelum, called Shuttlecock if you can believe that!. This bright eye debutante relaxes playing the native game of her people, commonly known on Earth as Badminton. Apparently she really "throws herself" into it! How could you go wrong with a chick that has legs up to her, uh, eye? Don't let that spiky dress fool ya, she is on the lookout for her mate and it could be you! We here at Inter-Galactic Dating Ads are positive she will "keep an eye out for ya!"