More from the WTF Files!

I have absolutely no clue of what this strange creature is, mainly because I forgot to write what it was when I found the pic, so my bad. We can however speculate to no end to what this insect is. Sometimes you feel like a nut I suppose. In our speculation and conjecture, it is my hypothesis that some native tribes probably consider this a tasty snack to be served with other spiders and grubs from the jungle.  Either that or that is just one of those things a person sees while on a hallucinogenic substance whipped up by the tribe's Medicine Man. If that's the case, I can only hope that this bug imparts some sort of wisdom to the psyconaught on their journey of mental exploration as they plumb the depths of the mind. Good luck, and Godspeed. I certainly would not want to wake up to an army of these invading my campsite. They could be poisonous and bitey and I can not abide biting insects of any sort that crave the flesh of the human beast.

A Kerfuffle Over Lunch.

Have we not devolved as a species enough as it is? Kudos to you at Channel 19 News to have the journalistic courage to probe deep into the soul of a beloved sandwich favorite to discern if the peanut butter is not as cooperative with the jelly as we once thought, or is it the other way around? Or is it that the bread is white and not wheat?  Well listen here, taste does not lie!! You might as well say, that the Reese's company got it wrong too! Are we so paranoid of a culture where we go around accusing food because we can?  Both breads taste great! Hey, wait...after a closer look at the details, one might say, "Hey, Kent and Brunswick is in Canada Eh!" But I would call them on their shenanigans and say, no way man, look at the high and low temperatures  the are marked with degrees Fahrenheit not Centigrade, and anyone who knows anything, that Canada runs on the metric system and in fact uses Centigrade. KPH too, so, say if you bellied up to the counter at the local Ronnie Mac Steakhouse, you could probably get a Royale with Cheese. Unless of course the company that Lords over the fast food biz  with a yellow gloved iron fist demands all of it's franchises in North America use the term "Quarter  Pounder". I wouldn't put it by those clowns I'll tell ya. But, I digress. Those places are most likely counties in a State near you! Now, lets take a closer look at this nasty bread the person used to make this travesty of our loved PB&J. I would guess that it was found in some school kid's repugnant locker. No Wonder Bread was hurt in the construction of this masterpiece. (No Wonder Bread was used at all it seems!) I mean bottom shelf bargain brand doesn't look that bad, and the fool even took a bite! Yet, we must see to the heart  of this matter. It is my professional opinion that PB&J sandwiches are not racist. They are only delicious. As funky as the one pictured looks, it may taste just fine. ( Insert philosophical cliche here about books and covers and all that.)

It's a game of what if....

Now, if you are a stoner or even if you're not, one has to agree on how cool this would be to have in your very own personal Soul Clinic. Illuminate your self and your friends with this radiation free lounging equipment from your friends at the Tron Gallery! Nightlife has never been so bright. Can you imagine, listening to some mellow jams, kicking it surrounded by the soft under-glow, enjoying your relax of choice with friends, old or new. Being apart of the Human Element, engaging, the essence of conversation, the point/counter point of ideas shared and sustained in the very movement of the moment. Built within this perfection is revelation, epiphany, enlightenment. Wise thoughts fill the cup of the mind, that make one ponder  if siting on electronic furniture with drink in hand could be a bad decision considering that liquid and electricity do not mix and might just blast you through the fuckin ceiling. Always bad news especially if you live on a bottom floor apartment. All those sorry bastards living above would notice would be a momentary brown out and body busting up out of their floor!  Good way to ruin movie night. Where in the hell would be the off switch anyway? Not recommended for well lit areas of the home or office in any case. I would not be surprised if the seating remains toasty warm, unless of course we have discovered light without heat.

An excerpt from the "WTF!" Files

If  you ever read The Gunslinger series by Stephen King, your first thought upon seeing this 'Lobstrosity' was "Did-a- chic! Did-a-chum!" am I right? It surprises me to no end the ever constant strangeness in the circle of life on earth. The phrase, "It might taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never eat the motherfucker" comes to mind. I certainly hope for that guy's sake that whatever he is holding is dead, dead, dead!! If not, then Braveheart over here probably had a feast because if you are not afraid to hold it, chances are you are not afraid to eat it. What do I have to say to that? GAAAHHH!!!!

Some good advice!

As Dr. Hunter S. Thomson said, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."  Yes ladies and gents, I am taking a bit of a break and a deviation from the current theme of interstellar mockery until such time as I either come up with funnier material or I get an enormous amount of fan mail demanding the return of the ads. However, I do not see the latter ever happening,  so, I will just wait until a picture plunks the magic twanger of my funny bone before I lay down any more of that drivel. Admittedly, it has been pretty slow here in the secret bunker and this you see before you is all my puny mind can concoct. So, without any further a due, I shall bid you Adieu for now.

I'm not a crook!

Yes the pool is shrinking, thank God, of eligible intergalactic bachelors and bachelorettes and as soon as I run out of ideas, and believe you me, I am stretching at this point, I can assure you that I will be moving on to other low brow crap to make fun of. The costumes are only getting worse as are the jokes, I mean, look at this fool. Slacks and wingtips?! Really?! Draping yourself with 'creepy cloth' does not mean you are some being from beyond, unless you are beyond help, of which sir you are. However, for shits and giggles, let's assume that his costume is worthy of note and he comes from the planet Theta Epsilon III in the Cygnus sector. "Dick" as he wishes to be known, has come to earth to party down like there is no tomorrow anywhere! He enjoys long soaks in the swamp, collecting ray guns and is a master of disguise. His idea of a first date is base jumping into deep pits in the earths crust and a cup of coffee at a greasy spoon afterward. Give him a shot and he may just shoot you back, or in the back, or something. Oh hell, this is just terrible!!!

Hey, hey fellas!!

Wow do we have a treat for you tonight boys! This Diva from the planet Skeeva has got it all! (Including a few things you have never even heard of, woa!) Meet B'nnttz-Fnt-Laa or "Lucinda" if you prefer. This beauty is a Sagittarius with a Mercury rising, and we're not talking Freddy either! She enjoys feeding on the fluids of fresh fruits native to her home world, Zumba, Palates, listening to the earthling band 'The Venus In Furs' , desperate male species of any sentient race and assorted earth beverages. Top of her most favorites are Long Island Ice Teas. Give her a go in your Satellite of Love and she is sure to rock your worlds!