Some good advice!

As Dr. Hunter S. Thomson said, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."  Yes ladies and gents, I am taking a bit of a break and a deviation from the current theme of interstellar mockery until such time as I either come up with funnier material or I get an enormous amount of fan mail demanding the return of the ads. However, I do not see the latter ever happening,  so, I will just wait until a picture plunks the magic twanger of my funny bone before I lay down any more of that drivel. Admittedly, it has been pretty slow here in the secret bunker and this you see before you is all my puny mind can concoct. So, without any further a due, I shall bid you Adieu for now.

I'm not a crook!

Yes the pool is shrinking, thank God, of eligible intergalactic bachelors and bachelorettes and as soon as I run out of ideas, and believe you me, I am stretching at this point, I can assure you that I will be moving on to other low brow crap to make fun of. The costumes are only getting worse as are the jokes, I mean, look at this fool. Slacks and wingtips?! Really?! Draping yourself with 'creepy cloth' does not mean you are some being from beyond, unless you are beyond help, of which sir you are. However, for shits and giggles, let's assume that his costume is worthy of note and he comes from the planet Theta Epsilon III in the Cygnus sector. "Dick" as he wishes to be known, has come to earth to party down like there is no tomorrow anywhere! He enjoys long soaks in the swamp, collecting ray guns and is a master of disguise. His idea of a first date is base jumping into deep pits in the earths crust and a cup of coffee at a greasy spoon afterward. Give him a shot and he may just shoot you back, or in the back, or something. Oh hell, this is just terrible!!!

Hey, hey fellas!!

Wow do we have a treat for you tonight boys! This Diva from the planet Skeeva has got it all! (Including a few things you have never even heard of, woa!) Meet B'nnttz-Fnt-Laa or "Lucinda" if you prefer. This beauty is a Sagittarius with a Mercury rising, and we're not talking Freddy either! She enjoys feeding on the fluids of fresh fruits native to her home world, Zumba, Palates, listening to the earthling band 'The Venus In Furs' , desperate male species of any sentient race and assorted earth beverages. Top of her most favorites are Long Island Ice Teas. Give her a go in your Satellite of Love and she is sure to rock your worlds!  

Super Intelligent Being Seeks Same.

Greetings life forms. This is Lord Thall of the planet Medullion Massa which orbits Mu Arae in the Ara constellation. He is an interplanetary evil genius who is looking for other life forms who would share his aspirations of watching planets burn. Lord Thall is Aquarius rising and his favorite color is, you guessed it black! When not building sophisticated weapons of mass destruction,  Thall relaxes by listening to the screams of his helpless test subjects while viewing  holo -projections of super novas. Get on his good side, (if he has one) and you never know what secrets of the universe you will unlock!

The Eyes Have It!

Today Inter-Galactic Dating Ads bring you our latest cyclopian beauty, "Iris"           ( no surprise there huh?) She is from a planet on the far side of Caelum, called Shuttlecock if you can believe that!. This bright eye debutante relaxes playing the native game of her people, commonly known on Earth as Badminton. Apparently she really "throws herself" into it! How could you go wrong with a chick that has legs up to her, uh, eye? Don't let that spiky dress fool ya, she is on the lookout for her mate and it could be you! We here at Inter-Galactic Dating Ads are positive she will "keep an eye out for ya!"

Another Happy Couple!

Here at Inter-Galactic Dating Ads.Com, we would like to congratulate another match made in the heavens. Kudos to "Dave and Jane" on their recent coupling of conduits! These two star crossed lovers met for the first time on a Star Cruiser touring the famous Belt of Orion after using our services. Not a bad first date sipping Aurllian Ale and munching on Muckworms and Skibbs while floating in the zero gravity suite. May they have a happy existence together, living prosperous and long lives.

Inter-Galactic Dating Returns!

Gods save the Queen! No matter what deity you worship, you can agree that this is one single monarch that demands your tribute! Queen Andromeda is scouring the universe for her suitor and it could be you! She Lourdes over the Rigel Centaurus Star Cluster but she has crossed the stars to this backwater to snag someone spineless and submissive. Not hard to find on the Earthling's inter-web.  Are you ready to be conquered and measure up to her grueling standards? Her interests are ruling, vaporizing minions who show the slightest defiance, being waited on hand and foot, enslaving worlds, and chocolate ( lots of it!) Normally she wouldn't even bother with our insignificant speck of a planet, but Earth is the only planet in the known universe that chocolate can be found. Lover her and Despair!!