Tough times all around.

You know it is lean times in this economy when Ronnie Mac himself is looking like Raggity Ann. So did Grimace and Birdie finally kick him out of MacDonaldland after Officer Big Mac arrested him for a heinous crime involving the Fry Guys? Did Hamburgler steal one too many cheeseburgers and he went bankrupt? Or perhaps this impostor was caught yellow handed making appearances unauthorized by MacDonald Corp or any of it's thousands of franchises and summarily sued for every nickle that poor schmuck had and has now been "reduced to the status of a bum" as Withnail would say. (If you are wondering who Withnail is, watch the film 'Withnail & I' and you shall see the light.)

Cthuthulu found!

"What in the name of John Wayne's Ass is that!?" It was the first words heard on the fishing boat 'Grouper Getter' when this weird creature was brought on board. Is it indeed one of the monsters described in any a number of H.P.Lovecraft stories? Is it the Creature from the Black Lagoon? It just goes to show that as humanity plumbs the depths of earth's oceans, a sailor's worst nightmare is doomed to surface once in a while. Can you imagine what that nasty thing must smell like? Of course, it is most likely a familiar species to many like a dogfish or something stupid, but, in the name of all things holy man! I have never seen something so ugly come out of the water since the movie Monster of Muscle Beach! Besides the point, who really knows what horrors are yet to be discovered in the deepest, darkest recesses of our oceans and waterways. Perhaps it is some strange mutation from all the garbage and other crap floating around out there courtesy of factories, big oil companies and power facilities, not to mention all the other environmental rapists and criminals who give the finger to Mother Earth on a daily basis. Humanity may never know.

I found the fool.

Breaking news: Krinkles the Murderous Klown has been caught by none other than Mr.T. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense. Stay tuned for more mediocrity mayhem ripped out of the either by yours truly.

Neeeeeeeeeyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Today, Krinkles the Klown is wanted on the charge of Murder in the first degree after he was observed fleeing a local hotel in a tiny white and polka-dot Ford Festiva, where the body of a Caucasian person was found dead, face down in a bathtub of milk, sprinkled with sugar coated rice crisps and a banana inserted into her rectum. Authorities have deduced it to be a cereal killing and Krinkles was immediately suspect. Witnesses reported a "maniacal" laughing moments before the sound of a slamming door and a heavy flopping of giant shoes down the hallway. Krinkles is to be considered armed and dangerously funny. Last seen at large in the Battle Creek MI area. If you have any information about Krinkles' location, please call your local police, fire department and National Guard units. Captain Crunch and Mayor McCheese were quoted as saying that "We will be doing everything we can in our power to stop this madman."

Toho Jr. Productions Presents

Ahh, the things my son gets to wake up to. Sometimes late at night after my son is far off in dreamland, and I can get medicated, I come up with crazy things to build for him so, when he gets in the living room the next morning there is a fun surprise. Of course, he ignores it for a little while, then he becomes Godzilla and dismantles the entire operation. What more could a 22 month old ask for huh? I grew up watching all the classic monster flicks and B-movie madness and hope to foster the love of those films in him. I mean is there anything better than kicking back with a cold soda, a bowl of popcorn and watching Godzilla open a can of whoop-ass on Megalon or King Ghidorah? However, I can only watch the ones from the 60s and 70s. To me the newer ones look like an episode of the Power Rangers, which I could never get into. Give me Ultra-Man and Johnny Socko's Giant Robot!!! As a matter of fact, it's late it is the perfect time to watch some giant monsters beat each other up!

And the Mayor's wife said "Ha!"

We don't really know what's up with Ol' Rasputin here, but I can only discern he is attempting to make himself larger by in-taking massive quantities of air and holding it. (It doesn't work, I have tried and that is exactly what it looks like too!) Either that or he just got hit right in the rollers. Here is something scientifically valid: If four Billionaires won the lottery, than it's a fair chance that the cat in this picture might come across this blog, and think to himself, "Hey, that's me!" If that ever happens, then sir, I implore you to explain the circumstance behind said picture so that the mystery will be solved and we can end this lesson on theory and conjecture. Oh and thank you for appearing on the show! If you like I can send you a tee shirt, maybe some instant oatmeal or some other cool swag for your trouble.

Next stop, Uranus.

No matter what see worthy (yes, see as in with your eyes out your windows) vessel you captain, or where you go, before dropping anchor, here is some advice. This is one place I would want to detour around because they would probably say, "Hi, welcome to Dildo, now go fuck yerself!" I'll never know. Yet, I can't help but wonder. What kind of individuals live in a town called Dildo? Are they miffed all the time because others are constantly making mirth at their expense? Ill tempered or what have you? Or would they be a friendly sort of folk, letting us know that they are at our cervix? Would they have a church or a clock in the town square that the hour is marked with a giant " dong?" Maybe it is pronounced in a different way, no, wait. There is only one way to say that word. It is what it is. I can only imagine what the local adult novelty store must be called. If the fickle finger of fate is involved, you can bet your Funk and Wagnals that there is a guy living there with the last name Bates and the mailman always chucked when the man was but a young lad getting mail addressed to him as Master. Ok, before you start whipping rotten tomatoes at me for the bad jokes, refer to the disclaimer. Would some consider it an honor to shake hands with the mayor? Would said mayor, or at least someone get a petition to change the name of that town to Steely Dan for starters, or maybe even Holmes?