A small milestone.

Sailing the Oatmeal Seas has had it's 500th visitor! Hooray for The High Beezer of Foolishness!! His Royal Pudding Head and the cast of Godzilla vs Megalon would like to personally congratulate the 500th Buttery Rich Visitor and Deckhand, even if you have been here before, where ever you may be in this great big, yet surprisingly small world of ours. Like a reverse Tartis I guess. Honestly, I really do not want to know, it's not like I can send you a tee shirt or mug or anything, however, my gratitude is deep. The best prize I can come up with is this: Get the biggest balloon you can find, blow it up all the way, and let it go for a rousing 'round the room razz-berry!!! You will find that in the end the balloon is just like me, flabby, full of air and easily deflated. Oh! Now, for some melodious strains of that hip and groovy group, Bongspank and The Hydroheed. Take it away freaks!

Ladies and Gentleman, Joybelly Productions Presents...

Bongspank and the Hydroheed!!

Rainbow sugary gumdrops

Falling from outer space

Everything's out of place-

Plastic chair on the ceiling

Turning the fan blade up

Empty my flower up-

Take a trip on the oatmeal sea of your mind, take a dip in the sticky jell of your mind!

Mushroom bell bottom green smoke

Swirling in my bed

Funny things I said

Candy swallowing stardust

Peeling thoughts away

Stretch along the day-

Once you take that trip on the mind, strange things there you will come to find!

Smoothing out all he static

Run away with brine

Jump though the soda wine-

Backward clock in the mirror

Marshmallow flannel shirt

Falling up from dirt-

Exit now to the far reaches of your head, ride the waves back to your bed!

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Stay tuned for more groovy sounds from deep within your soul baby!

Just let the mind drift.....all is well.

Hmmmmm....I wonder...?

A tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it. Does it make a sound? It should, unless that forest is in a vacuum which said forest simply could not exist because trees need air. What if the forest falls over and the tree still stands? Then that would mean it is I who am observing the tree and for some odd reason, succumb to gravity on either side and fall over. But, what reason would that be? Drunkeness? No, that is more of a heaving and weaving so in lieu of falling it would be a disastrous whirlwind of the entire forest spinning about me, like a B horror picture. In an altered state? That could happen, only if it's what I am feeling on the waves transmitted through my aerials of how the universe is ebbing and flowing at that particular moment. Then slowly.....oh so slowly... as if in a dream.....I drift down.... to the pillowy coolness of the forest floor. Twigs and sticks snap and crackle, the warm sunshine breaks through leaves and branches. Like watching an episode of Bob Ross while lounging on the sofa, digging on all the happy trees. So soft, so comfy. A great day for a dream, to chase a few clouds scrolling across blue skies, making me roll onto my back, take a deep breath and smile. Then the bugs come. Ants, ticks, beetles, skeeters, gnats, spiders, and other manor of things that only an Entomologist would know what the fuck they were. What the hell!? I didn't sign up for this!! Why!? A consequence of the decaying vegetation I so foolishly layed myself onto. Geeeeze!!!

Happy Holidays to all you Deckhands out there!!

Tis the season to get weird with your friends so have a good one, or two if you wish. Abide all you achievers, party on, be excellent to each other, that kind of thing. Peace on earth, equal rights, justice and good will to all!

So then, the mind drifts....

Lo then, a conquring vision decends on fiery feet. Seering a blinding condition of conclusion we then meet. Driving out evil that leadens thine heart, courses anew set on our chart.

I hath seen with shiny eyes, in the glow that ethereal light provides. Far future ages when summer is new, our kind will be chosen to prove itself true.

Fingers of lightning and fire were seen, twisting around structure in a sinister gleam. "Destruction!" It shouted at the frightened below, but they would not budge, they answered "No." Defiant they stood as the storm drew near, then someone burst; "This is our stand, we make it here! Our spirits are strong, it shall never control!" The masses hath spoken, they bore their soul.

With weapons raised and banners unfurled, humanity's final act in a dreadful world, said, our bond is our strength, no matter the cause, weather we wear whitey tighties or run around in bras!(Bah!)

I meant not to kill it, twas going quite well, but I broke out my stash, and all went to hell. But it's my poem, I'll do as I wish, so don't you threaten me with a dead fish. For those who got that, my hat's off to you. For those who didn't, here is something new. Below is a reference to a film of such merit, give it a look and roll up a carrot. Thank you..Goodnight!!! I'll be here all week! One trip to the salad bar please...........try the veal...............take two, they're small.....

Here's lookin' at you kid!

Nothing says dinner time like some nice Flank 'O Fisheye! Who wouldn't want their meal staring back at them? (This guy for one I'll tell ya!)Does it get all milky and blind lookin when boiled? Is it served whole or sliced? (I'll never know, but Andrew Zimmern might!)Sure it may be a posh dish in some parts of this world and that's cool man, but, I think it would be more fun to pin two of them into a giant Muppet head for a fantastic, albeit stinky, costume. Freak people out with those huge googly eyes! As for me though, I choose not to play with my food unless it plays with me first. And in this case, it just might do that.

Hung like a horse radish.

For some reason, this pic was not good enough for 'My Food Looks Funny' site so I shall deal with this myself. Ahem. As I was shopping not too long ago in the vegetable section of a local store I noticed this thing hanging about. With the convenience of current technology, I snapped a pic or two thinking it ought to make the cut on that website mentioned above. Alas, it was not to be however, for after waiting a few cycles, hide nor hare was too be seen of this funky looking root that puts me to shame. Upon reflection, it would have been much funnier if I lived in the town of Dildo.