Proper Gnomenclature

Gnomes! What is it about those little fellows that is so interesting? Personally, I like Gnomes, and if someone were to ask me why, I would answer like Sean Connery did in the movie Highlander. "Why does the sun come up? Or, are stars just pin holes in the curtain of night?" To me, it just is. To each his gnome I guess. Gnomes come in a wide variety, from woodland and forest, which are the most common yet rarely seen, to the garden variety. There are plenty in between but I wont get into that since I don't have the time or energy to get into the history and lore surrounding gnomes. Although we can all agree that they are imbued with magic! I know they put a spell on me! (ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)no, but really, I think they are groovy. They are seen as lucky as gargoyles are seen to ward off evil spirits. You don't need a garden to have gnomes, hence the one on my porch. A fine specimen indeed. And to all you would be pranksters and Gnome-nappers, don't even think about it. He is boobie trapped in the most diabolical way. (booowaaaahahahahahah)So, love 'em or hate 'em, gnomes are here to stay. Besides, what is so bad about being fun sized?
Today's secret word is 'Moxie'.

Idiocracy Afoot

So today I was driving back from a walking excursion at a local mall since the park was apart of it's nearby river. The whole way home just about, I noticed in my rear view mirror, this white S.U.V. with some lady driving (while fooling with whatever fabric it was she was trying to keep on the dash board that kept blowing off the fan housing mind you) and a dude who kept holding out some clothing items or something of the like out the window. Under proper weather conditions, I could see if some one trying to air dry some items, as strange as it is, but, it was raining. So I said to myself, "really?!"
Today's secret word is "Amrap!"

42.0 The Aftermath

Rastafari Mon!!!! I can say with all confidence that the oatmeal seas have been polluted! Right now, it feels like my skull is stuffed with cotton. No small wonder though, considering I rarely over do it in such a profound way. Sure, a puff or two here and there and maybe a few space cakes every once in a while, but last night, damn!!! Some might say I am a lightweight, and that could be true, but considering the potency of what kind of cronic I had, and I do mean some kind bubba kush, you can understand why by the end of the night I had completly melted into the couch. I started the day off with one home made space cake,( a single tiny brownie shot). Then at exactly twenty minutes after 4pm, I joined the milloions of tokers world wide and took a heathy rip ( or two) off my home made Dr.Puffer bottle bong. I levitated for quite some time, finished cleaning the house and made dinner. After my feet was only and inch off the floor, it was time for another space cake, or two acctually. I was feeling realy mellow while watching G-4's 420 holiday special, the world premire of Doug Benson's "Super High Me". Afterwards Attack of the Hoe, uh Show, showed footage from the Cannabas Cup competiton in Amsterdam so I wanted to be right there with 'em so it was back to the bong to finnish my meager leavins. Needless to say, I was feeling no pain! A relief because I am in some level of pain on a daily basis due to my disability. Besides being crippled in the mind. So now it's a new day, the holiday has come to an end and it's time to get back to a more solid exsistance, which in itself isn't all that solid, I am always walking on marshmellows I guess.
Today's secret word is: "Languor"
Remember kids, never play with your food, unless it tries to play with you first!

It's 420. Do you know where your brain is right now? I know where mine is, and I bet you do too! Certainly not on this plane of exsistance. Need I say more? Some my argue that point, but, that's o.k. too. That's like, their opinion man. Crap. I had something clever all lined up to say and it flew away. Honest! The fucker sprouted wings and there it went! Zoom,zoom, zoom!!! I'll have to set out the nets so if it comes back, I can just write it later. Besides, this is not the time for intelligent discussion. More for weird, strange and bizarre experiences to tell of, which I have see go down before my very eyes. It's only in that rare instance when the door of possibility opens in the universe that you end up witnessing alone, except once in a blue moon. For instance, last summer, I was in my car after purchasing some refreshment at a local party store for my walk, when as I was getting ready to pull out of the parking lot, a funeral train started passing, while on my radio that was at that perfect volume, Bob Dyllan's (original) "Knocking on Heavens Door" was playing. It was so surreal because the day bright but with a mid morning haze. What are the odds! (By the way, I took the picture off my porch last year because it looks like a pot leaf! God made pot, man made beer, who do you trust!)
Today's secret word is 'Oxnard!'

The Conway Twitty Clock Incident

Oh dear Lord, where do I begin with this one!? Well, at the beginning I suppose. I took a road trip a few months ago just after Christmas down to Indiana to visit some relatives. After an hour of conviviality, and toking some really good sativa, I found myself in the living room where there hangs one of those wood stump lacquered clocks on the wall. Normally, one would think that it was no big deal, but, this clock was different. Shalaqued onto this clock was a picture of country music star, Conway Twitty, at his very best, circa 1970 something. It looked as if the picture was cut from a magazine, laminated and glued onto the surface. His 'fro' had almost a halo around it. After contemplating this image set upon me by the powers that be, I wondered to myself, "Was this done on purpose?" I mean, who, aw fuck it, trying to explain a travesty like that is just not in my realm of experience. Anyhoo, as I sat writing, I kept looking up at it, trying to wrap my mind around this thing, and he just keeps staring at me with that look on his face like he is ready to bust out with that " Hello Darlin' " bit! What really struck me though was the fact that the hands on this clock were attached dead center in the front of his white guy 'fro', (the time was just after 10pm, visualize with me people) giving the appearance that someone had winged the little gold clock hands at him, and by chance, they stuck in his hair just right! It was like it happened and he either did not notice or he did not care. And no, I was not so high that I imagined the entire thing, the clock exists!!! I have seen it with my own eyes!!!! I made sure to check the next morning when I was sober, so there.

To suffer fools gladly

Ah yes, the time has come to unleash my unbridled insanity upon you, the reader. But don't worry, it's 100% freeze dried so it is pretty much harmless. Well, a little about me. ( see profile.) I somehow felt the need to introduce myself since this is my first time blogging, so yay me, I have finally entered the 21st century. I get a pat on the back to administer to myself, and that is better than a slap on the belly with a wet trout, and we all know how much that can hurt! (well, some of us anyway. No questions!!!!) Now, we must enter the realm of what some my find strange, others, boring and yet others, fascinating, and others, funny, and still yet more others out there, (that will never have to read this garbage!) Lucky them! So, take a hit from the bong, pop a pill, poor a drink or get lit on warm Pepsi, what ever your flavor and prepare yourselves to step aboard the Ship Of Fool for a cruise on the wierd and wacky seas of oatmeal that infests my skull. As Dr. Hunter S. Thomson said once, " Buy the ticket, take the ride!" I think were gonna need a bigger boat.