Cartoon characters in real life.

If you were expecting another weird tale about some crazy insect, sorry to disappoint. Maybe in the future I may revisit that subject. You nearly got some far out poem so perhaps luck is with you this day and are spared that drivel. Instead, I coughed up this little diatribe on how some cartoon character would look if they were real. I am not the only one and eventually I will cover all I can find. Now, on with the segment. Here we have Ren Hoek from certainly one of my favorite cartoons of all time, Ren & Stimpy. Soon as I find a suitable Stimpson J. Cat, I will certainly show you. So, there you have it. Ren in the flesh. "Siiiiiimmpy! You bloated sack of protoplasm! You filthy wooooorrmm!!"

Not buggin you am I?

I honestly thought about doing actual research for this piece, to if anything spell names right and to know exactly what I am dealing with here, but sometimes it is more fun to let the imagination fire off a few rounds of fun right? I think that the size could be deciving us because there is nothing realy to compair size ratio to, it could be this tiny fucker, but, will we ever really know? Would we want to know? Especially if the answer is that thing is big as your fist or better? However, if it tasted like shrimp, would you eat it? I would. And it would be delicious! I can just hear the hisses and jeers and eeewwwws of those who would disagree with that statement. I refer you to the disclaimer below. Besides, if this thing is indeed from our planet and or dimension, someone out there has done the deed. (If so, please be so inclined to share your experience with the rest of the class.) The thing looks like the creature in Wrath of Khan who's larva was introduced to Captain Terrel and Cmndr. Chekov. I can almost hear it's skittering across hard surfaces. Swarming..... colonizing...... taking over!!!

Yeeaaaahhaahhaa!!! What the hell IS that!?

I have decided to stay on the entomology kick to showcase a few odd looking bugs. This fella here is most certainly one of the last things I want to see crawling on my flesh late at night! No sir! At least I would be able to see it. I am sure if that were to happen, all that would be seen of me is asses and elbows heading toward the nearest exit. Not that I am a coward mind you, I mean the shock value alone of having been woken out of a dead sleep by the likes of that would send anyone to their feet in a hurry.

Help meeeeeeee!!!!

Tonight's premiere of "Oatmeal Depth Charge" will be not be seen. In it's place we bring you a special edition Creature Feature Movie, 'Fly vs Fly'. Father and Son are reunited in this action packed adventure sequel to the sequel The FlyII. Only this time it's WAR!! Watch in amazement as these two stink- bugs are whisked away by a strong wind and land in a world where prisoners are forced into gladiatorial combat in kitchens world wide! You will be astounded at the brutality of no quarter, to the death, whole sale destruction!! Stay tuned for tonight's Theater of the Mind Creature Feature Movie, 'Fly vs Fly'!!! (Que cheesy music)

Butt-Rocket Away!!

Are we that board of a society where we have taken to strapping old ladies to rocket boosters for entertainment?! Either that or our asstronaut here seriously needs to reduce the amount of beans in her diet. Wooo, lentils! Hope she didn't break her coccyx. Watch out Granny! Gravity is a bitch! I'll tell ya gang, if that was yours truly with explosives strapped to my ass, you had better believe I would be dressed for such a dubious occasion! Top notch daredevil threads, like the one Elvis donned in Vegas, decked out in sequins of red, white and blue to show the world that only in America, some brainless lout would attempt such a foolish act of insanity! Mind you now, I would not forget to pack a parachute or state of the art crash helmet. Padding would not be a bad idea either come to think about it. Safety first kids! I have to really wonder what the ultimate result of this experiment or what have you actually was. I can guess who made an appearance, an ambulance and perhaps a cop or two, angry relative maybe. I hope there is video of this out there some place. Were there signs of panic, horror, or dare I say it...laughter? Did she holler, "I can see my house from here!!!!"? I may never know. Therefore, I will give this particular pic, 5 out 0f 5 bowls of oatmeal in the 'artsy fartsy' category.

Today's nugget of truth.

As I was pondering the secrets of the universe and more ways to mangle your medulla oblongatas, I came across this little tid bit in the corner. Kudos to you sir who dropped this note into the cyber sea. Surely I am not the only schmoe that took this and ran. I at least am not taking credit for it. Found it, wanted to share it's wonder, it was just that good. Sucks I didn't see it sooner, would have tied in well with this years first entry.

Godzilla found love, so can you!

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